Sometimes I think I haven't progressed at all. I have a lot of the same old obstacles in my practice and my life. My inner dialog usually runs something like this: "You know nothing. How could you possibly teach? Your hips are tighter than ever. You sweat too much. You aren't breathing correctly. Stop enjoying this. Why aren't you enjoying this? Your life is a mess. Look in the mirror. Stop looking in the mirror."
For me the self-criticizing inner voice is where the struggle really is and thank God for the mat. Right there, on the floor, I'm confronted by my ever present fearful and critical self. That voice is unforgiving, never satisfied, and a task master. It is voice of the ego. I know that no matter what pose I'm in, my task is to be aware of that voice and accept it for what it is. I am not that voice. I can't fight it, I can only breathe into it and allow it to slowly quiet down.
The incredible thing about yoga is that no matter how we approach it, it works. What ever position we are in, we're going to come right up against our egos, who think they are running the show and our bodies. The wonderful thing is that there is something else in us that is loving, accepting, and on our side. As we quiet the ego, there it is, just a breath away.
Namaste,
Dean
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