Aortic Valve Replacement Surgery

A lot has happened to me since I last wrote.   I'll be writing about it in pieces.   To start, I have to come clean and say that I've had a long time problem with my heart---I'm in my early 60's and was probably first diagnosed when I was 18.

It finally came to the point that my Cardiologist and the Cardiac Surgeon said the time had come and I needed to replace my aortic valve.   So on October 14th, 2014 I had open heart surgery.   It seems my heart didn't like getting carved up.  They told me I had an "angry heart" and after surgery I went into Third Degree Heart Block which ended up with me receiving a pacemaker.   Then I got a blood clot in my arm from that surgery.   To put it mildly, recovery has been way slower than I anticipated or wanted.

To say that this has impacted and changed my physical yoga practice is almost silly.   Everything is new and different.  The aortic valve surgery was open-heart and required breaking my sternum.   I'm just now, almost 3 months later, getting to the point that my sternum is considered healed enough to do some gentle poses.

So what has my yoga practice been?  Like Arjuna in the Gita, I learned concretely that the essence of Yoga is that shit happens and how you deal with it is the practice.  My practice has been meditation, awareness, a whole lot of acceptance and learning to breathe all over again.

Finding my new normal is my path and my heart is my guru.

All the heart metaphors and references in yoga have taken on new meaning as I work through the intersection of the physical and the symbolic.

The love and support I received from family and friends has been overwhelming and moved me to tears repeatedly.

More to come.

Namaste,

Dean

Eating less than you can in the evening

We all have heard the belief about weight loss that you just need to eat less and move more.  Things get complicated when you try to put that into practice.   Our approach is going to be unique to us.

People who have trained with me and been part of my Yoga and Weight Loss Group know that I'm constantly suggesting simple things that allow us to sneak up on the problem.   Therefore instead of making huge changes all at once I ask them to think about simply eating "less than you can."

For example, we know we could eat the whole pizza (or cake, loaf of bread...) but what if we took a breath (probably 3 is better) and ate less than we can.   It isn't easy but it allows us to become aware of what we are eating and what choices are in front of us.  We could choose to eat less.

Currently I'm practicing not eating after dinner.   I was recording my food for a week and noticed that a significant amount of my calories were being eaten in the evening.   Obviously I need to eat less than I can in the evening and know that when I've been in an active weight loss period, not eating after my evening meal has been one of the things that has worked for me.

Keeping it simple, I'm stopping eating after my evening meal.   I'm doing it 3 days at a time and then will work up to 3 weeks and then 3 months.   3 seems to be a magic number for my brain.  If I tell myself it is only 3 days, it is much less overwhelming.

Small change---done with awareness and acceptance.   I felt a shift in even the first 3 days.

Namaste,

Dean

Hell-Bent

I just finished reading HELL-BENT:  OBSESSION, PAIN, AND THE SEARCH FOR SOMETHING LIKE TRANSCENDENCE IN COMPETITIVE YOGA.

I loved it.  Read it.   Benjamin Lorr can write and he can write about yoga and yogi's.   His insights into the process of power and teachers and people surrendering power to teachers is the best description ever since Stephen Cope's YOGA AND THE QUEST FOR THE TRUE SELF.

He also nails the thrill of yoga obsession and all the pitfalls.    The world he writes about is the Bikram world but everyone who does yoga can relate.

The descriptions of the teacher training will leave you questioning every time you've let yourself be humiliated and even marginally abused.   Hazing is illegal for a reason.

He asks the question does yoga heal?   Through all the misguidance and crap the answer is still yes.

Namaste,

Dean

Betrayal and the Body

The body betrays us.   I see it happen all the time--people doing the best they can with diet, exercise, meditation and still the body seems to have a process of its own.  If you believe that the mind rules the body, then you feel the frustration that unconscious factors are completely running the show.

Even if you intellectually grasp that you aren't your body, that it is a neutral vehicle, and some day you will end this dream and lay this body down, you still feel betrayed.

That feeling of betrayal leads to a continuous loop of more anger at the body--more criticism, more judgement, more anger, more mistrust.

What is a conscious mind supposed to do?

Apologize.   Apologize to your body for the times you've abused it, not exercised it, not feed it well, not let it sleep, and especially how often you criticized it.

In my work with clients the universal response to looking in a mirror is to criticize what they see.  Common sense would dictate that if your body was your best friend, they would've dumped you years ago.   Maybe our bodies are so used to being criticized they just don't listen to us anymore.  

It is time to change your relationship.

Start by apologizing.  

Namaste,


Dean

Losing weight as a practice

"I don't stop eating when I'm full.   The meal isn't over when I'm full.   It's over when I hate myself."

Louis C.K.

  

The Yoga Sutras are full of direct and implied commands that the yoga process is that…it is a process.   The only thing we really do in yoga is practice again and again.   We don't really practice to get it right because we are different every time we get on the mat.  We just keep moving through it. 

Don’t you love it when your kids are gurus?  I have a son who is now a piano professor and a performer.   We never had to make him practice the piano.  He loves to practice.   He sometimes drove us crazy with his practicing.   

He has taught me that practice is its own thing.   It is its own reward.   Surrendering to the process is what works.   Of course he practices to make it perfect---he has a goal in mind but he knows he will never reach perfection and he is cool with that.   He loves the process of moving toward it.  

Think about letting go of the goal.   The practice is the goal.   Just process.  

Using yoga as our vehicle, our metaphor---off the mat, we also practice eating better and less than we can not concerned with the outcome.   We know our bodies will change.   We know that we can trust the process.   If we eat less, move more, breathe and release our stress---we will let go of our excess weight.

Let's surrender to it and love the process we are in.   How fulfilling would that be?

Maybe we can even try on a little gratitude for having weight as an issue in this lifetime.   It is so direct. It is right in front of us.   So in our face!

I trust the process of life and I am safe.

Namaste!

Dean

Eating less than you can when you want to eat more!

I have this a helpful belief that our past is not our future.  

Affirm right now that you are willing to forgive your past eating behaviors and let them go.  You move forward choosing loving, life affirming, eating habits.

Now honestly we know that old habits are hard to let go of.   If I have the habit of eating too many pistachios when it is a rainy crappy weekend like last weekend, I have to find a way to sneak up on myself and think of a new way to under eat pistachios.   

Now, I believe in gateway foods.    I have them and I bet you have them too.   Those are the foods that contaminate my intention to eat less than I can!   It seems that once I give myself permission to eat them, I’ve opened the door, and it takes a divine act to get me to stop from repeating that behavior.   I wonder how quickly I can accept that Divine help!  Instead, I start with guilt, beat myself up awhile, then I reason, I give in, I start over----blah, blah, blah.  My latest thing is I tell myself my body is craving this for a reason that it must need something that pistachios provide.   Really?   Pretty creative.

I wonder what it would feel like to not have a habit of overeating pistachios or any other gateway food?

I’ve found that I have to treat certain foods differently (I stay away from those foods and tell my brain and body, it is just for awhile so I can get myself on track and in touch with what my body really needs---it likes that need thing.)  It allows me to delay my overeating behavior and gives me more choices.   My brain also goes happy crazy with more choices!  

Let’s talk about successful people who have lost weight and kept it off---one of the number one things that they have in common is that they don’t diet.   I find that so irritating somehow but the research is pretty solid.   Even if what they are eating I would call a diet, they call it healthy lifelong eating habits that include eating less and moving more. 

They no longer see themselves as people with an eating problem or a habit of overeating.   They aren’t trying to fix anything, especially with a diet, they are simply moving forward toward a healthier body.

What do they do when they want to eat or drink something they know they shouldn’t?   Well, everyone has their own strategy but a commonality is that they already have a plan in place for avoiding traps and then a plan for getting back on track if they blow it.   They simply think about it and plan ahead.  You know that planning is important because when you get a plan, your mind goes to work to implement it.   Your mind wants you to be successful and now it has the task of finding a way to make you successful.    When we plan to succeed, something inside us wants to lead us and get us to our goal. 

So we can ask ourselves how do we best handle a situation where we want to make a healthy food choice?   I wonder how powerful and successful we will feel when we have a plan to take back the power certain foods have over us.     I wonder how quickly we can learn that saying “yes” to our health and  “no” to certain foods shows our bodies that we truly love and care for them?

Breathe, meditate, do your yoga practice, eat less than you can and love yourself.

Namaste,

Dean

The Scale

So our group, Yoga and Weight Loss, starts this coming Tuesday!  What do we do about the scale?  Remember that we aren't doing weekly group weigh-ins.

We all know the problems with the scale---good days when you are losing and not-so-good when you aren't.  The worse thing is that you can be losing and the last thing to notice is the scale!   You and your clothes notice it.   Your friends and family notice it.   Yet, the damn scale shows a weight gain of .5 ounces!  Maddening to say the least.

Eventually the scale catches up to what is going on but the time lag can be a killer.

We have the option to just put the scale aside for awhile, focus on our yoga practice, meditation (short),  eating "less than we can", and trusting the process.

We will lose weight.

Namaste,

Dean